I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize