Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
