Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
