my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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