she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
