Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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