so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she looked like the before picture.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
