i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize