Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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