i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
