she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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