I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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