allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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