I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I look better un-naked...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
