I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
