Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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