no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
