You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
