I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
