So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
