paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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