Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
