im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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