i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize