Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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