Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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