sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
