i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
