My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you would pick up someone in the library
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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