Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
