You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
