It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
