last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
