Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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