if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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