Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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