Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
