moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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