I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
