so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My balls are so social today.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
