YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
