He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
