why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
