Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
