why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
