In the future we'll all be gay
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
