I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
