this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
