When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
