508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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