just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
