return my video game
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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