Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize