I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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