So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
