Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
