i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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