Your face is a jimmy john
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
