just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
