It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've blown a few things in my day
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
