If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
