Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
