If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
