At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
