I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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