Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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