Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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