ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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