It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
