Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
