im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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