it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
