Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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