so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
