First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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