Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
