This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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