True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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