At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
