TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
