:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
