I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
