I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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