my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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