WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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