Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
