You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
