I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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