so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
