we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it's like iHOP with fire
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
