I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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