I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
