I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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