Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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