Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
