Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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