My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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