I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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