YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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